Day 5

Today was pretty stressful. Not because of the diet, I might add, just stressful in general.

Both OE and I are currently looking for work given our "recent" move back from overseas. I think it's always stressful looking for work... you send out all these resumes and wonder if somebody will like you enough (not the Facebook kinda like), to give you a chance at chatting with them about a role. It's like having your profile up on a dating website but not only aren't the losers calling you, sometimes nobody is calling you. It's stressful! Hearing good news is sometimes even more stressful (at least to me) because now you've actually got to deliver, right?! You've got to be even more sparkly than that piece of paper they "bought" the idea of you with. Thankfully today was good news, but either way you cut it - S T R E S S.

Anyway... the whole stressful day made me realize just how much I mindlessly eat when I'm stressed. No, I didn't do it today, because I caught myself. Let's be honest, it's not because of any insane willpower, but simply because I knew that there was no way I'd feel what I was hoping to feel after eating a carrot. Ok, maybe I'd feel better because I ate a carrot instead of a whole bar of dark chocolate, but that's because of the 'after-guilt-factor' of eating a whole bar of dark chocolate. You know what I mean. Carrots ain't what I was looking for today. So... I acknowledged to myself that I was 'jonesing' for some comfort food in a big way and I took a deep breath, drank a whole glass of water and thought - I will power through! So I am happy about that. Score one for me today!

The other thing that is actually helping me a lot is that damned cholesterol score of 231. Any time I think about cooking with oil, or want to eat something that I shouldn't, I think "TWO-freaking-THIRTY-ONE". It helps me. It actually soothes me in some ways - because I have no choice. If I want that number to come down, I've gotta make some better decisions. I mean, if not now... when?! So it actually helps to have that big number right now. If I didn't, well, maybe I would be more tempted, or maybe I'd sit there and think "man, how bad was I eating and my cholesterol was normal! I'm golden!" Alas, not so. Hmm... this revelation kind-of worries me, though. The realist in me says that once my cholesterol returns to normal, I might be tempted to go back to the old ways. What? Relapse? Nah... not meeeeee, I say. I guess we'll cross that bridge later after we figure out what this change in lifestyle does.

Five days down and I'd say it's going pretty well. I do still need to figure out the meal plans for the rest of this week, though. Awww, snap!

-VE